


I'm Tired Of Talking (I've Been Screaming All Day)

by Lilsciencequeen



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Drama, Gen, Grief/Mourning, post 4x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-04-20
Packaged: 2018-10-21 03:39:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10676940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilsciencequeen/pseuds/Lilsciencequeen
Summary: "But I need you to trust me. Do you trust me?""Yes."





	I'm Tired Of Talking (I've Been Screaming All Day)

**Author's Note:**

> Just a lil 4x18 idea I had. I know its probably not canon compliant after the 4x19 promo but the idea just wouldn't leave my head. Hope you guys enjoyed and thanks for checking out. Title from To Belong by Daughter.

Mace was dead.

(dead)

She couldn’t believe it.

He was dead and not just here.

(really dead)

Not just in this reality but in her reality.

Their reality.

The _real_ world.

Not just this hell that AIDA had created.

(mace was dead)

It left her numb, empty inside.

All she wanted to do was curl up and cry.

But she couldn’t.

(survive)

(need to survive)

(fight)

(need to continue fighting)

Not now.

Not when there were so many innocent, injured people on the bus who needed help.

(but this world it wasnt real)

Children caught in the middle of a war.

(but they werent real)

_Children_.

(they)

That Hydra had tried to brainwash.

_Children._

(werent)

That Hydra had been prepared to sacrifice.

To kill.

Just to get to them.

To Mace.

They had been prepared to kill children.

_Children._

(REAL)

It made her sick to her stomach.

This reality might not have been real, it might have just been coding.

But it was convincing.

They had thoughts, memories and _lives_.

(but they werent real)

(it wasnt real)

(dont get attached dont get attached dont get attached)

And to make everyone trust her, to gain her part on this team, then she had to act, to play a part.

And she did.

She helped provide the medical care that was needed but Ward…

Ward seemed hesitant that she help, and every time that she got close to him, he walked away, deciding to do something else.

Jemma though nothing of it, understanding that the man was grieving. That he needed time to come to terms with what had happened.

So Jemma did what Ward seemed to want, and stayed out of his way for the rest of the journey back to base, tending to those who needed help with Trip…

Trip who had died over two years ago when Daisy had received her powers…

(its not him its not him its not him)

Daisy… she couldn’t help but wonder where her friend was now.

(daisy though daisy was real need to save daisy to save her friends)

(save daisy to save her team)

“Hey,” a voice asked her, laced with concern. “You okay?”

She blinked, and saw that Trip was staring at her.

“Oh, I’m fine just…”

“Hey,” he said, guiding her to a seat and helping her sit down. “You okay? You looked like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

(yes)

(she had)

Jemma blinked again, taking in his words.

Taking _him_ in.

(hes not real)

“Jemma… Are you okay?”

She managed to bring herself back to the present and nodded. “Yeah, yeah I am. Thank you. It’s just a lot.”

“I know, but they’re safe and we’re making sure that it stays that way,” Trip said, that smile on his face she never thought she’d see again. “And just take it easy, okay?”

She nodded and watched as he walked on down the bus.

(not real not real not real)

She wasn’t going to get attached.

She _couldn’t_ get attached.

***

They finally made it back to the base and Jemma waited until the bus had emptied before standing up to leave but that proved to be a mistake.

Two agents came on board, one of them holding handcuffs.

She stared at them in confusion until she saw Ward enter the bus.

(not ward though ward had died this was just coding)

(part of the hell aida had created)

“I knew I shouldn’t have trusted you,” she muttered as the guards pulled her closer and forced her hands behind her back before putting the cuffs on.

Ward glared down at her. “You said you love the Doctor. That he’s not the man we think he is. That he’s a good man with a good heart. We trusted you but after today, after what Hydra did… after what _he_ did, we can’t take that risk any more…”

(not the doctor he wasnt the doctor)

(not really)

(he was fitz)

(her fitz)

(and she was going to get him back)

“What risk?” she spat back.

“The risk that you might be working for Hydra. I had someone check up on you while we were away. You’re dead. There’s a grave in Sheffield with your name on it. Multiple obituaries. Just who are you, _Jemma Anne Simmons?”_

(biochemist)

(shield)

(two phds)

(sadist)

(daughter)

(friend)

(part of fitzsimmons)

He was leaning in close to her now, and she could feel his breath on her face. Hot and rancid. Just like Ward’s had been. The _real_ Ward.

(dont think of him dont think of him dont think of him)

(its not him its not him its not him)

(hecanthurtyouhecanthurtyouhecanthurtyou)

(he)

(cant)

(hurt)

(you)

She stood taller, stood her ground. “I’m a better person that you ever were. And I’m not staying here. I’m here to save my friends, my family and then destroy this world. Even if I have to destroy it zero by zero and one by one, I _will_ destroy it.”

Ward just looked down at her, his expression unreadable.  Then he turned, and walked off, leaving the bus. “Take her to Vault D,” he called back. “I think she’ll enjoy it down there. And don’t worry about anything, getting information…” he stopped and turned to look back at her and she could see the evil glint in his eye, catching the light. The one that resembled the Grant Ward she knew. “I’ll make her talk later.”

***

She sighed, leaning her head back against the wall. She had no more tears left to cry. Not anymore. Not now anyway. She was trapped. There was no way out of here. Though there were no guards in the room she knew they were outside the door, waiting.

(she needed to get out)

(she needed to escape)

(she needed to find daisy)

(find daisy to save her friends)

(find daisy to save her friends)

(find daisy to save her friends)

Not that she could get out anyway. The Vault D here was like the one back in her own world. She supposed it would be anyway. Since the Framework was just a false imitation of that world.

The real world.

(itsjustcoding_itsjustcoding_itsjustcoding_)

She had been there for hours and had no way out. Daisy was still with Hydra and everyone… no one would help her. She was the girl who had come back from the dead and who was in love with Hydra’s second in command.

She was so lost in thought, and self-pity, that she never heard the door open or footsteps coming down the stairs.

It wasn’t until someone called her name that she turned to face the person that was standing outside her cell.

“Trip?” she asked, pushing herself into a sitting position and turned to face. She drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head on her knees. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk. Is it true, what you’ve said, that this world is a fake?”

(yes)

(its fake)

(fakefakefakefake)

(FAKE)

She let her legs slide off the bed and her feet came to rest on the floor. Her eyes closed and she took a breath then let it out, slowly. Finally, she opened her eyes. “Yes, yes. Everything. Its… it is true. That this world is a fake that my team, my friends, they’re trapped here. Mace… Mace was… Coulson, May, Mack, Daisy, Fitz and me… we’re all trapped. And I need… we need to escape before… our bodies _will_ give up…”

(cantgiveup)

(wontgiveup)

“And you’ll die,” Trip finished for her.

Jemma nodded. “And I can’t… I can’t lose Fitz. Not again. Not after everything we’ve been through.”

“You love him?”

(yes)

She nodded again, blinking. Tears clung to her lashes, tears she didn’t even know she could cry. Ward must have told Trip everything. “Please.” Her voice broke on the one word. “Please, he’s… he’s my best friend and I love him. And in our world, in the _real_ world, he’s the… he has the biggest heart of anyone that I know. He is kind and trusting and a better person than what he’s been made into here. He’s…” She never got to finish her sentence, emotions had overwhelmed her. Sobs caught in her throat, filling the space of Vault D.

(i _love_ him)

“I believe you,” Trip said.

(you do)

(why)

Jemma wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her jumper. “You do?” Her voice was low and full of disbelief and she couldn’t help but wonder if this was a trick set up by Ward. "Why?"

Trip nodded and sighed. “I’ve never heard anyone describe him like that, and if he can be anything like that, if he can be half the man that you say he is…” He trailed off and shook his head. “And a world without Hydra in charge. A world where it has been _destroyed_ that’s a world I want to live in.”

Jemma bit her lip, and shuffled nervously. Trip picked up on it. “I’m dead there, aren’t I?”

(dead)

(sorrysorrysorry)

“I’m sorry.” Jemma had no other words. She didn’t even know where to begin. She wouldn’t be getting any help from him now, now that he knew that he was dead in the real world.

(alone)

(alone)

(shewasalone)

Trip just shrugged. “Was it something heroic? At least give me that?”

“Yes. You died, you died saving your friends.”

“Is there any better way?” He shrugged again, as if it’s no big deal and reached into his pocket and lifted something out of. It didn’t take long before the screen in front of her disappeared.

Leaving her a chance to escape.

(freedom)

Trip said nothing as he turned to leave.

Once he realised that Jemma _wasn’t_ following him, he stopped and spun, facing her once again. “You not coming?”

(it has to be a trap)

(it has to be)

(everything else in this hell seems to be)

“Where?”

“To save your team, your friends? Isn’t that why you’re here?”

“This isn’t a trap?”

He shook his head. “No. This isn’t a trap. There’s something about you, something about you that I trust. Maybe I’m just crazy, but you said there’s a world without Hydra and if ensuring that means the destruction of this one, then I’ll help.”

“Even if it means your death?”

Trip nodded without even thinking about it. Then he paused before speaking. “But I need you to trust me. Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

He gave that smile she had known so well. That cheeky grin. That flirtatious look in his eyes. “Then c’mon girl.”

He turned again, and started walking up the stairs.

This time, Jemma didn’t pause.

(she was going to find daisy)

She followed him out of the cell.

(and she was going to save her friends)

**Author's Note:**

> I added the parts in brackets at the very end and used that specific style on purpose. I've not forsaken the English language. I just wanted to write Jemma's panic and her thoughts directly and wanted to try a new style... if that makes sense
> 
> Thank you guys for all your support, I would never be able to do it without you. You simply are amazing.


End file.
